Oh such JOY

After a rough couple of days with Teagan struggling with a cold and Mommy (ME!) feeling out of sorts from little sleep and the same cold - heavy emotions come too easily. Eric took Brynnlee grocery shopping this afternoon for a little one on one time. I enjoyed some cuddle time with Teagan in our big bed, keeping her propped up so she could rest and breathe a little easier. It was an average day.... the best kind.
Just a bit ago I was getting Brynnlee ready for bed and we sang a silly ditty from "Blue's Clues" - Brynnlee chiming in at the end with her favorite part - the loudest part. It goes "here's the mail, it never fails, makes me want to wag my tail, when it comes I wanna wail - MAIL!".... I am sure you can guess the part Brynnlee bellows!!! ;) I can see down her throat when she hollers it out and we both laugh so hard it hurts. Even Daddy was laughing and Teagan looked embarrassed to be a member of our family. (a look Charlie has often had when spending time with Mom, Dad and moi - his lovely sister!) Anyway.... as the pj dawning and milk swilling came to a close we brushed teeth and said our goodnights before heading back to B's room for a few library books and cuddling before lights out. Our goodnights are a little reminiscent of the Waltons' --- "nigh night Daddy" - "nigh night Brynnlee" - "nigh night Teagan" - SILENCE - "love you Brynnlee" - "LUB YOU DADDY!".... and then we excuse ourselves to Brynnlee's room.
Once I settled into the glider with Brynnlee in my lap and a good book to read - I just felt an overall sense of gratefulness and joy.... tempered by a little sadness that these days go by so fast. I think that many emotions of raising children are "tempered" by realities and for this I am so thankful to God because if it were all sunshine and light it would be far too sad to watch the days of babies and toddlers end and the days of school, car keys, and moving away draw too near..... far too quickly.
We read the same book three times - because Brynnlee asked so nicely each time. "Please, Momma, agaaaiiiinnnnn" she pleads so sweetly. And so we read it again. At the end of the third round with the same book she crawled onto my lap to face me, gave me a good squeeze around the neck (this reminds me of someone I so dearly love!) and then rested her head on my left shoulder. I could feel her hot toddler breath on my neck and smell the fruity smell of fluoride free toothpaste for kids who swallow everything that goes in their mouth :) and then she began to talk total nonsense. "Bird, Momma, the bird. And the dog. And books go on floor with baby." I am not sure of what importance this all was.... but it brought tears to my eyes. Her babble is so innocent and sweet. I adore it. She lifted her head once to ask me to draw on her palm with my finger. This makes her giggle a bit. I did that a few times and then she rested her head on my shoulder again. I sang her my favorite hymn, we prayed for the troops and our President like we always do, but with special emphasis on them because today is the Fourth of July. We expressed how thankful we are for the good dinner we had and our Daddy and little sister and then we were silent. Brynnlee rubbed my arm with one hand and rested quietly. I could feel the lump forming in my throat and the tears brimming on my lower lids as I silently thanked God for our little angels. Then I started wondering how I would ever go about my life once they are all grown up. It is then that the tempering of reality sets in - how tired I am on many days and how many miles I will have to walk to wear my old wardrobe.... how much the good car seats cost and Lordy.... how much college costs.... how I may never see Europe or Tahiti but am guaranteed to see my share of poopy diapers. These worries seem so small when compared to the joy my girls bring me.... but thank goodness they exist because otherwise watching them leave home someday might just put me in the cookoo's nest. :)
It was when my thoughts were become a little overwhelming and I was sure my tears were reaching Brynnlee's warm little neck that she looked at me and said "bed, Momma, bed." And that is where I put her. She looked up at me with her blankets and 52 babies surrounding her and said "lub you Momma" and I love her too.
xoxo